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2008 THE (Maggie &) JIG(gs) IS UP! ORIGINAL LIMITED EDITION COLOR RICK TREMBLES ORGY MANDALA SILKSCREEN PRINTS FOR SALE! GOOPY NEWZ # 15! PLUS AMERICAN DEVICES ZOMBIE MASKS: THE FINAL ROTTEN FRUITS OF OUR LABOR! FREE AMERICAN DEVICES HALLOWEEN TUNE! Plus DEVICES HALLOWEEN ZOMBIE MASKS: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! GOOPY NEWZ # 14! GOOPY NEWZ # 13! Plus AMERICAN DEVICES HALLOWEEN MASKS PHASE TWO! GOOPY NEWZ # 12 (Winnipeg Manitoba & Lausanne Switzerland)! PLUS AMERICAN DEVICES HALLOWEEN BLOWOUT PHASE ONE (W/CRABE & WILL AUSTIN ESCAPE)! RICK TREMBLES INTERVIEWED ON RADIO CINEPHOBIA Plus TYPHON LAUNCH! AMERICAN DEVICES GOODBYE SUMMER VIDEO STARRING THE LACHINE CANAL! MAN WAS I SOMETHING SICK THIS WEEK! PLUS: AMERICAN DEVICES GRAND END-OF-SUMMER/BEGINNING-OF-FALL TOUR OF THE MAIN CONTINUES! AMERICAN DEVICES GRAND END-OF-SUMMER/BEGINNING-OF-FALL TOUR OF THE MAIN! PLUS: FREE ARCHIVAL VIDEO OF "ALL-GIRL" BAND W/RICK TREMBLES ON DRUMS! PLUS: VOTE DEVICES FOR NEW "HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA" THEME CONTEST! GOOPY NEWZ #11 plus RICK TREMBLES INTERVIEWED IN VANCOUVER'S MONGREL ZINE #3! GOOPY NEWZ #10! SLEW OF NEW AmErIcAn DeVicEs LIVE VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE TO HELP PROMOTE BAND'S UPCOMING SHOW FRIDAY JUNE 6TH IN ST-HENRI (!) MONASTIRAKI! THE ELECTRIC VOMIT IMMORTALIZED IN PAINT! GOOPY NEWZ #9 + Nick Zedd + Electric Vomit on pYoukTube! COME SEE RICK TREMBLES' FIRST 70'S PUNK BAND THE ELECTRIC VOMIT BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE FOR 3 SONGS! MY UNABRIDGED INTERVIEW WITH THE KUCHAR BROS! MY SECRET COCKUPATION: THE PRIVATE JOURNALS OF A PROSTITUTE! NEW AMERICAN DEVICES MUSIC VIDEO ON YOUTUBE & LIVE SHOW WITH PARLOVR & FLAMES! All contents © 2000-2008, Rick Trembles UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION STRICTLY FORBIDDEN
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Home Merch Gallery Archives Devices December 25, 2008 THE (Maggie &) JIG(gs)* IS UP: PART ONE
Rick Trembles (to Jessica Vile): "Speaking of shit, it only dawned on me a little later that when you said 'I don't mean to pass judgement, but…' (referring to how you don't understand brown showers) you meant it towards me! I wasn't trying to skirt around the issue, the other people there who were in on that conversation are friends & have seen every single dirty perverse drawing I ever did, they know all about by cartoon peccadilloes inside out." "But for the record, I have no craving for chowing down on freaky fetid feces. I think (at least I hope) my 'problem' is simply more of visual kink. I say this cuz I am obsessed with butts. Female ones to be exact. Obsessed with every single aspect of buttness, including what they were designed to do. Tho it all makes me horny as fuck, it's also a natural curiosity to me as an artist. The anatomy & mechanisms of it all intrigue me." "But especially, I have a yen for anal penetration (mostly when it comes to smut) & I know it sounds nuts but what draws me to scat type visuals is how a long phallic-looking turd slowly protruding outwards can look just like anal penetration but backwards. I can't stand the runny sickly looking stuff, for me it has to be solid, cylindrical & clean. And I can't fathom even smelling what's going on, let alone eating it, but I admit I do have a morbid fascination for the peeps who do. Like why do they do it? Sometimes (in videos I've seen) they're even blindfolded which to me defeats the whole purpose of the visual aspect. It just boggles the mind. I guess for them it's strictly an S&M/B&D type sitch." "I've drawn comix of myself in poo-eating situations but I was pretty distanced from it. The reality of it would prolly have me ralphing before I could even position myself (& puke I am NOT into). Still, this prolly exhibits an oral fixation thrown into the mix, but like I said, the visuals are the most important thing so even if it were some kind of manufactured hygienic rubbery putty-like reverse dildo substance/material excreting outwards stretching anal lips open & apart, that would suffice." "Hey maybe I should invent such a toy & patent it! There's a fetish niche that hasn't been explored/exploited yet. Thing is, folks would prolly be incredibly wary of swallowing whole a foreign object up their asses for fear maybe they wouldn't have the sphincter kegels to plop it back out & then end up in the E.R.!" "And when I was making mainlining gestures yesterday during that conversation, I meant; 'don't scato-holics have to get shots for hep before they play around in that stuff or something'?" "Anyhoo, I am long overdue for a new essay on this topic (I've written humongous rants about my butt obsessions before on my blog/site that need to be followed up on). I've been meaning to clarify in further deets what all this scat crap means to me for a while now so stay tuned. Pee-yew... uh, I mean FEE-yew!" Jessica Vile: "Whoa dude, I didn't mean it towards you at all but nice rant, I dig it!" Rick Trembles: "WHA?? I thought for sure U seen my poopy comix & poopy animations. Guess I'm just thenthitive about my poopy drawringz then." (She wrote back that she was familiar with those comix of mine BTW & reiterated how she always says "I don't mean to pass judgement" before she's about to say something that could be misinterpreted). PS: In the new year expect additional musings on the topic, such as how part of my fascination stems from the juxtaposing of incredible beauty with supreme refuse, how extreme butt worship can forgive any excretion, how the primal nature of such a basic natural function can act as the ultimate equalizer by recalling our animalistic roots, & the peculiar resemblance an elongated turd dragging behind a woman's hindquarters has to a vestigial tail like something out of a Hieronymous Bosch painting. Sexy. THE (Maggie &) JIG(gs)* IS UP: PART TWO WORST YEAR EVER (Image details above extracted from Rick Trembles' God's Cocksuckers 20th Anniversary color acrylic painting on canvas for last September's Dissident Art exhibition, copyright 2008) *Maggie & Jiggs = obsolete term for his & hers porto-potties named after century-old newspaper comic strip characters (BTW for all you philistines out there) December 4, 2008 ORIGINAL LIMITED EDITION COLOR RICK TREMBLES ORGY MANDALA SILKSCREEN PRINTS FOR SALE! Calling all pervs, calling all pervs! Now you too can own your very own copy of a one-of-a-kind flesh-coloured ORGY MANDALA silkscreen print on patented shockwhite card stock, originally microscopically doodled by yours truly for Lickety Split Magazine in B&W but magnified to approximately 24 X 24 humongous pulsating inches especially for Expozine 2008! Only 50 copies exist on the planet, each personally signed & numbered by me! I experimented with backlighting on these suckers to great effect: a regular 60 watt bulb shone behind the middle of a print in a low-lit room provides mucho sexy stained-glass whorehouse decor party atmosphere while light gradually diffuses outwards to the edges. Backlit pink seems to take on a life of its own! Lick, uh I mean Click HERE (or on the image below) to see a larger color version of the artwork. Email me for ordering & postage info HERE Rick Trembles
November 6, 2008 GOOPY NEWZ # 15! PLUS AMERICAN DEVICES ZOMBIE MASKS: THE FINAL ROTTEN FRUITS OF OUR LABOR! Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms next week? Well then head on over to The Illuseum Witte de Withstraat 120, Friday November 14 & Saturday November 15 in Amsterdam, Holland (thanks to Pierre-Luc Vaillancourt of Cinema Abattoir)! Now that Halloween's over it's time to post the rotten fruits of our labor! Our pizza-faces represent "YES WE CAN" for the future of putrescence & decay! The split second we were done with our makeups I videotaped ourselves lip-synching a few Devices tunes so I could put some beauty-shots of our zombie faces up on YouTube. Click on the images below to see 'em...
Below: The monster makeup Evil Andy made for me! Click on the images below to be taken to the color gallery...
And here's the makeup I designed for Rob.
Here's the rest of the American Devices. We figured we'd make Andre & Howard up as freshly shot-in-the-head humans who can't turn into zombies cuz destroying their brains is the only way to kill em before they turn! Or something like that!
Zombie-Devices live at Les 3 Minots!
Pictured at the center: the makeup man responsible for this awesome night, Evil Andy! He's been in the horror biz for 70 years!
After the show Nutsak's Chris Burns said on the Montreal music message-board Stillepost that his one complaint was that all three bands started too late & played a tad too long. I tend to agree & answered him with the following... #1: The bar owner actually encouraged us to play long cuz he wanted people to stick around & keep buying drinks. He told us "you're gonna play til 2:30, right?" We didn't wanna be that excessive but it almost ended up that way anyhow. Plus I couldn't even show up to the venue 'til my horror makeup was done so I didn't have much control over the evening. That meant forgoing a soundcheck, forgoing setting up any kinda merch table, forgoing dealing with the door (hence the pay-what-you-can cover which ended up being a hat passed around after every band). Tho the openers were free to take care of all that stuff themselves if they wanted to. I told Will Austin to go on once there was enough audience. I thought by the time we'd show up they'd be into their set already. #2: But after over a month preparing those elaborate masks & then about 5 hours getting made up just before showtime I just wanted to chill out & enjoy myself. No way was I gonna spend the night cracking the whip, but we did end up going up to both openers at one point asking how much longer they're gonna play. Hard to hassle a band to get off the stage for example who came all the way from Valleyfield for measly "pay-what-you-can" (Crabe). By the time Devices got on, it did thin out a little which kinda sucks but I had a riot anyways. I dunno what the etiquette is for opening band lengths. Whenever Devices are asked to open we figure ok, let's keep it short & sweet. But then again, I probably told Austin & Crabe the bar owner wanted us to stretch it so that people stick around. Who knew that'd trigger reverse effects. #3: I kinda didn't mind playing late cuz I knew there was a Nymphets & Brutal Knights show down the street that would end earlier than us & was hoping some friends that were going to that might wind up catching the tail end of our set & get to see our crazy zombie masks I been yammering about forever. That did kinda happen; two thirds of The Nymphets dropped by to say hi among others. And I dunno, we were headlining & we don't have any other gigs lined up for a while so I figured we'd play a healthy-sized set. AM I OVERTHINKING THIS SHIT Ok, that about wraps it up for our "GRAND END-OF-SUMMER/BEGINNING-OF-FALL TOUR OF THE MAIN." Stay tuned for our upcoming stare-at-the-wall winter cabin-fever twiddle-our-thumbs atrophy fest! Yay! Rick Trembles October 30, 2008 FREE AMERICAN DEVICES HALLOWEEN TUNE! Plus DEVICES HALLOWEEN ZOMBIE MASKS: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! GOOPY NEWZ # 14! Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms next week? Well then head on over to Bunkier Sztuki, Wednesday November 5 in Kraków, Poland (thanks to Pierre-Luc Vaillancourt of Cinema Abattoir)! In the spirit of Halloween we give you the song Gory Story, a tune written & recorded by The American Devices in the mid-80's (& originally released on our now-scarce 1989 LP). It's as gothy as I think we ever got but more in a 45 GRAVE kinda fast-playing punk way. Louise Burns sings lotsa harmonies on it with vocalist Rob Labelle & both collaborated on the lyrics. I play guitar, Rob's on bass, & Cups Von Helm drums. Listen to it carefully cuz we embedded secret subliminal backwards messages into it beckoning you to come see us this Friday Halloween night live at Les 3 Minots on 3812 St-Laurent across from The Miami. And if all goes well we'll be playing this tune live revamped with our new lineup. Hear it at this link (right click & "Save As" to download it): GORY STORY (3.53MB) And if brainwashing you isn't enough then dig this: we're done with the final creepy-crawly THIRTEEN phases of our monster masks for this show & here's the photo-proof... 1) Now that the sculpting is done, the plaster moulds of our faces with the clay on top have to get more plaster poured over them to make a negative impression of our work. Here Evil Andy is adding a clay wall to build up the new liquid plaster around.
2) The areas surrounding the mask where dry plaster's exposed have to be cleaned because this is how the two halves of the moulds will register with each other once the clay is discarded.
3) First the wet, thin plaster is carefully brushed over the tiny details we sculpted so there's no bubbles & nothing gets missed.
4) As the plaster thickens it's slopped on more liberally & built up.
5) A hay-like fabric is imbedded into the wet plaster so that it stays solid & uniform even if cracks appear once it dries.
6) Then a final layer of thick plaster is applied & the tops are flattened so it can stand upside down for storage & for when we cook the foam latex in the oven.
7) After about a half hour Evil Andy pries the two parts open while the clay is still softened & loose from the heat of the drying plaster.
8) Here's the resulting negative plaster version of the sculpture I did of Rob Labelle's zombie face.
9) And here's the negative version of the sculpture Andy did of my zombie face. SO MUCH NEGATIVITY! YAY!
10) Now that the moulds are cleaned & prepped for the oven, a complex foam latex formula gets carefully measured from multiple parts & gently stirred together by Evil Andy.
11) Precise timing with the mixer insures a fluffy whipped-cream sort of consistency not unlike what the final result will be except that once cooked, it'll be rubbery, pliable, soft, delicate, & porous as human flesh. This whipped-cream is poured between both halves of the moulds, sealed shut & stuck in the oven.
12) Success! After several hours of low heat in the oven, the finished foam latex special makeup effects appliances are hatched from their egg-like shells ready to adhere to the exact contours of our faces after the seams around the outside, the noses, the eyes & the mouths have been trimmed (so that whatever facial expressions we make, our "second skins" will realistically follow) & blended in with makeup & stage blood.
13) LAST & MOST CRUCIAL STEP: COME SEE US PLAY WITH THIS HIDEOUS SHIT GLUED TO OUR FACES THIS FRIDAY SO WE CAN MAKE YOU BARF! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Yerz spookily: Rick Trembles October 23, 2008 GOOPY NEWZ # 13! Plus AMERICAN DEVICES HALLOWEEN MASKS PHASE TWO! Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms in a few weeks? Well then head on over to the Leeds Erotica Festival at an Edwardian venue built in 1914 & one of the only surviving picture palaces left in the UK; The Hyde Park Picture House, A660 Otley Road between Headingley & Leeds City Centre, where it's opening for a screening of Pier Paolo Pasolini's masterpiece Canterbury Tales November 1st (thanks to Pierre-Luc Vaillancourt of Cinema Abattoir)! See the film based on my comic strip that legendary underground cartoonist Robert Crumb called "more twisted & weird" than him! Wish I could be there. Lemme know how it went! Ok, now we're at the sculpting stage of the zombie masks for our upcoming show (see my last blog entry for venue info). Here's your chance to contribute to how The Devices will look onstage this Halloween. Evil Andy's gorgeous design for my face is pretty locked in but I'd luv yer opinions on what I did for Rob's face. Could you tell me if I'm on the right track? The following 4 pix are of me done by Andy. The dangling skin-flap open neck wound kills me, I can't wait to wear this sucker. Too bad we couldn't rig some kinda blood spurting mechanism (I think it'd be too cumbersome for a live performance).
THIS JUST IN: Evil Andy added some handsome festering pustules to my zombie face... JUICY!
The next 5 images are my zombie face for the other Devices singer Rob. It's still a rough sketch so far so if you gimme any good ideas I should have time to alter it. The plaster moulds will be made for the foam latex injections later this week. Inspired by Evil Andy's dangling skin-flap open neck wound on his sculpture of mine, I made a kinda open nostril wound for Rob. And I gave him a few more festering open gashes. Wrinkles will be smoothed out of course. Happy Hollow Wiener!
October 9, 2008 GOOPY NEWZ # 12 (Winnipeg Manitoba & Lausanne Switzerland)! PLUS AMERICAN DEVICES HALLOWEEN BLOWOUT PHASE ONE (W/CRABE & WILL AUSTIN ESCAPE)! Click on image below for larger color version...
Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms next week? Well then head on over to the WNDX Winnipeg Festival of Film & Video Art at the Cinematheque Main Floor, 100 Arthur Street at Bannatyne (Artspace), Winnipeg, Manitoba Saturday, October 11 at 9 PM for the XXXPERIMENTAL: SEX AND AGONY show to see the film Bill Plympton called the sickest he's seen! Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms October 16? Well then head on over to the Lausanne Underground Film & Music Festival in Switzerland for the 9 PM Heretics: Iconoclastic Quebec Cinema screening to see the film they describe of as akin to "chromatic pixel storms, thermocalypses, kinetic atomisation, retinal aneurisms, cortical electroshocks, acoustic concatenations, solarised iris injections, narrative deconstructions, playful pedopathologies, coital scorns & a symmetric negation of that national cinematography currently in circulation"! American Devices used to have a reputation for killer Halloween shows throughout the 80's. For some reason people thought we were naturally creepy & perfect for this fave horror holiday of ours. I've always been obsessed with monster movies so maybe that somehow translates to our music a little. But we used to also go out of our way to dress up nutty for these shows. I was a special makeup effects buff, buying all the how-to books & horror magazines I could find to get ideas from to concoct homemade latex monster monstrosities I could glue all over my face. More than a few times I've almost passed out onstage completely wrapped up ear-to-ear in borderline toxic claustrophobic rubber contraptions hard to breath thru under hot lights in those old smoky (pre-cigarette ban) bars. But Halloween shows for the likes of our band began to get harder & harder to book with the burgeoning glut of trendy nightclubs looking for any excuse to put on themed events. Bigger-budget acts would snag plum dates a million years in advance & we'd be left in the dust. This year however we somehow actually scored Halloween night itself & it happens to fall on a Friday so it goes without saying WE'RE GONNA GO ALL OUT! American Devices will be fully made up as nauseatingly half-decomposed zombies by none other than professional-grade special makeup effects enthusiast Evil Andy (also a horror film reviewer over at dreadcentral.com! Me & Andy are gonna be splitting sculpting chores, he's gonna do my face & I'm gonna do Devices singer/guitarist Rob Labelle. We'll be striking plaster moulds from lifecasts & baking extremely realistic foam latex prosthetic appliances of the finished sculptures to be custom-fitted & cemented onto our own facial features! Bassist Andre & drummer Howard will be done up in a more painted-on (& less constraining) technique the night of the show to save time. Providing additional spooks will be opening acts Will Austin Escape (ex-Ungh!) & the incredibly ornate/maniacal Valleyfield guitar/drum duo Crabe! And as if all this isn't enough, we'll be giving a free prize to the best costume (don't worry, we're exempt): A rare 1989 American Devices Decensortized full-length LP & a signed copy of Rick Trembles' 192-page collection of Motion Picture Purgatory illustrated horror movie reviews from UK cult film book publisher FAB Press! Stay tuned to this website for the official countdown & periodic photo updates on how the making of these insane zombie masks are coming along! The venue 3 Minots is a cozy newish place on 3812 St-Laurent across from The Miami right in the thick of Montreal's party central The Main, so if yer too antsy to sit in one place for too long bar-hopping up & down the street Halloween night make sure you make a stop at our gig & we guarantee you'll have a hard time vamoosing! Bar also features a large elevated DVD projector screen where we'll be running rare horror clips & trashy film trailers all night long as a backdrop! AMERICAN DEVICES W/CRABE & WILL AUSTIN ESCAPE HALLOWEEN NIGHT FRI OCT 31 AT LES 3 MINOTS 3812 ST-LAURENT (PAY WHAT YOU CAN)! This is gonna be an explosive one-of-a-kind creepy crawly evening NOT TO BE MISSED! PHASE ONE: Exclusive behind-the-scenes coverage! Devices members are gonna be professionally made up as disgusting zombies for this show & here's what a couple of us have gone thru so far during the complex mask making process... 1) Here I am with my glasses off & hair tucked away so it doesn't get all caught up in the mould-making material...
2) Here's Rob also well protected for the forthcoming goopification...
3) Evil Andy covered us both in this stuff. It's called alginate & it's usually used for making dental impressions for the construction of dentures. It's quite cold & kinda mentholated tasting since it's supposed to go in yer mouth. Easy to tear off too, in case anyone gets claustrophobic & panics...
4) This is almost a Halloween mask in itself, but alginate actually dries fast & shrinks so time is of the essence...
5) A cotton kinda fabric is stuck into the alginate while it's still adhesive so that the plaster bandages that our faces will be soon wrapped up in can stick better to it...
6) This is where it gets nerve-wracking. The plaster bandages start to weigh on your head & you only have 2 little nostril holes to breath through for about 20 minutes while it all dries rock hard. The plaster emits heat while it dries & it gets really ticklish under there but it's best not to move too much so you don't mess up the impression material. And you can't speak. A true test of tolerance.
7) Here's the perfect negative impression of my face in dental alginate peeled off. The plaster bandages behind it keep it uniform so that liquid plaster can be poured into the face to make a positive duplicate. That's what we're gonna be sculpting zombie puss wounds & wrinkles over outta clay...
8) Here are the perfect plaster dupes of our faces ready to work on, Rob at left & me on the right...
9) This is Evil Andy's preliminary sketch of what he wants to do for my zombie face. Note the gaping neck wound...
Next up: the sculpting process! October 1, 2008 RICK TREMBLES INTERVIEWED ON RADIO CINEPHOBIA! Stuart "Feedback" Andrews of Rue Morgue Magazine dug deep & spoke with yours truly recently about all my crackpot creative endeavours & hopeless dirty pipedreams for his Toronto radio show Cinemaphobia. We discuss a wide range of subjects connected to Montreal's music & film scene via my work with Goopy Spasms, Electric Vomit, American Devices, Fantasia Film Fest, The Canada Council, Motion Picture Purgatory (the comic & the CKUT radio show), stop-motion animation, & more. Vomit & Devices tunes are interspersed throughout, plus audio clips from Goopy Spasms that includes music from 90's improv noise band 123GO (w/ sam shalabi, chris burns, marc montanchez, richard bird, rob labelle, paul lacerte, corpusse (john ashton), joellen housego, andré asselin, jackie gallant, & me).
NOTE ABOUT THE RADIO INTERVIEW: At one point I joke about how the Devices CD I gave the interviewer only had songs that I happen to sing on cuz "my band's got too much extra baggage." I know it SOUNDS real bad having said it that way but I gave him only my shit cuz I knew he was just familiar with me & his topic was gonna be about my crap in particular, I didn't wanna fork over my whole band's voluminous fucking 30-year bio & exhaust the guy. So, sorry in advance to any of you "extra baggages" listening in. Wording came out yucky, that's all. I'll let you pummel me at next band practice. Get the interview here HERE (Clicking on the link should make it stream but if you wanna download it for later, right click it & choose "Save Target As." If the link doesn't work, copy & paste it into your web browser).
Stuart's own promo words (blush): "THE MIGHTY RICK TREMBLES: A while back, it was my great pleasure to welcome to CINEPHOBIA, the one & only RICK TREMBLES, musician, filmmaker, animator, cartoonist, writer, ...the KING of Montreal counter-culture! Mr. Trembles is the author of the long running MOTION PICTURE PURGATORY comic strip film review column in the Montreal Mirror (a compilation of his best bits is available from F.A.B. Press), he's the front man for the AMERICAN DEVICES & the director of GOOPY SPASMS, one of the most bezerk, wildly transgressive Canadian animated films these old eyes have ever seen. So if you're feeling brave, take the plunge into the deranged world of RICK TREMBLES. WARNING THOUGH! This is seriously adult content & NOT for the easily offended (I mean it). The rest of you may wanna get your hand lotion and/or vomit buckets ready." September 18, 2008 AMERICAN DEVICES GOODBYE SUMMER VIDEO STARRING THE LACHINE CANAL! It was such a nice day last Saturday I decided to take a long bike ride & shoot some footage cuz I figured it was bound to start getting too miserable out to do so anymore soon. This thing stars (mostly) the Lachine Canal, but also some stop-motion animation of a miniature carousel I built out of foam-core, & my band's pink mascot which we like to call "Speedbump." The song is John Philip Sousa's classic bubblegum hit "Stars & Stripes Forever" covered by The American Devices (originally recorded in the 80's). WARNING: This video is very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very POLITICAL. To see it click HERE or click on the image of my stop-motion animation model below.
Rick Trembles: Guitar, Rob Labelle: Guitar, Chris Burns: Bass, Sylvie Payne: Flute, Louise Burns: Keyboards, Cups Von Helm: Drums AND DON'T FORGET TO COME SEE US EARLY TONIGHT LIVE AT CASA DEL POPOLO (opening for Barbes Blondes & Crabe) September 18, 4873 St-Laurent, Montreal! Ricky-Poo September 11, 2008 MAN WAS I SOMETHING SICK THIS WEEK! PLUS: AMERICAN DEVICES GRAND END-OF-SUMMER/BEGINNING-OF-FALL TOUR OF THE MAIN CONTINUES! Come see The American Devices with Barbes Blondes (featuring members of Many Mental Mistakes) & (le) Crabe Thursday September 18 at Casa del Popolo 4873 St-Laurent, Montreal! Nancy's dreaming up some bondage action for this one (see below)! Poster art by I dunno who but I sure dig Nancy, especially the old classic comics. Nancy. I like saying Nancy. I will name my first car Nancy.
Shudder! You might've noticed I didn't send out any Snubdomizer updates this week. Well it's cuz for the first time in the ten years that I've been handing in Motion Picture Purgatory on time weekly, this time I was too sick to even lift a finger! I had some kinda body cold that left me knocked out flat on my ass (and I had to freaken play live with my band the day after my deadline)! It hit me a few days previous & then got worse. No sleep for days. Feverish & couldn't think straight. I had a wicked bizarre cold most of August & thought it was finally tapering off this week but it seemed to be giving me one last punch in the gut, remnants kicking me in the ribs a final time before saying good-bye. Cuz the muscle-aches emerged the same time my cough was tapering off. Arthritis-like pain permeated my body so thoroughly I thought I had some kinda blood disease! Unbelievably achy EVERYWHERE. Whatever you do, do NOT catch this doozy of a bug. Thought I had that Canadian processed ham Maple Leaf food poisoning lysteria that all the recent hysteria's been about! Bad timing, that's all! Thankfully the editor of the Mirror cut me some slack & let me print an archival strip that nobody's seen in the Mirror since decades for Godzilla 1985. I'll be back to normal by next week. I should make a reservoir of emergency original strips in case of such predicaments in the future. Somehow I managed to play with my band last night, tho I thought I was gonna croak halfway into the set, but I actually got through it ok. I feel MUCH better now that the stress of the show is over & I'm resting up. I think what freaked me out so much was how the cranky aches & pains went on so steadily & for so long I was actually scared maybe I fucked my body up somehow & it was permanent. Like cancer or something. Is this what old-age is gonna be like? Should I start living a healthier lifestyle? To celebrate feeling better (& help regain my strength) I just cooked up a big T-bone steak fried in Schwartz's spices with brussel sprouts drenched in butter & had an Oh Henry ice cream bar for dessert. Sure hope Maple Fucken Leaf doesn't make those Oh Henrys! Ricky-poo September 4, 2008 AMERICAN DEVICES GRAND END-OF-SUMMER/BEGINNING-OF-FALL TOUR OF THE MAIN! PLUS: FREE ARCHIVAL VIDEO OF "ALL-GIRL" BAND W/RICK TREMBLES ON DRUMS! PLUS: VOTE DEVICES FOR NEW "HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA" THEME CONTEST! Come see AaMeRiCaN DdEvIcEs at Barfly next Tuesday September 9 with THE WANNADOS & THE SACRAMENTOS! AMERICAN DEVICES will be unveiling another brand new song called "You Wouldn't Understand" (that's 3 this year so far; a world record)! Devices have several shows coming up, all on Montreal's Main (St-Laurent street) so stay tuned! WANNADOS will be performing their very first show featuring Chris Barry (ex-222s & 39 Steps), Anne Marie Marko (ex-Pale Blue, Impossible Impossible), & Lawrence Joseph (ex-Terminal Sunglasses)! SACRAMENTOS is original Devices founder Phil Nolin's intricate duelling guitar outfit with Frank Santini & a beat-box (twisted mutant cross 'tween Stooges/Dolls/Beefheart)! Poster art below by Rick Trembles (image taken from a 1984 comic called "Makimba God of Piss" in Sugar Diet Magazine #1)!
ALSO! Vote AaMeRiCaN DdEvIcEs for the new Hockey Night in Canada theme contest! Click HERE to listen to our entry! The melody's put together by Devices member Rob Labelle. We need to win this so we can pump the $100,000 prize money into a myriad of completely useless band, movie, & comix related projects! Yes? Yes! HEY! I like to dig up old vidz from my archives to post here while I'm promoting Devices gigs so here's an ultra rarity from a band I was in mid-to-late nineties called MEN WOMEN & CHAINSAWS. They wanted to be an all-girl band but all they could get on drums was yours truly so they'd slop makeup on me & dress me in drag every show. Pictured below (L to R): Kristi Sunde guitar/vocs, Rick Trembles drums, Mia Donovan bass. OLD-SCHOOL "WIERD(SIC)-PUNK." Click on image to see video...
AND! Here's an old poster I did for the band with an image taken from "It Happened in Canada," a book compilation of cartoons that was a Canadian version of "Ripley's Believe it or Not"!
Oh, & if yer in Montreal tomorrow (Friday), make sure to come check out my new God's Cocksuckers 20th anniversary painting this September 5th at 55 Notre-Dame West, right by the Notre-Dame Cathedral! Vernisage for this "Dissident Art Show" starts at 5PM. Cuz every single dirty doodle I scritchy-scratch down is equivalent to every single noodley note I pick on the guit-box! Devices drummer Howard Chackowicz is also exhibiting a piece at the same show, among lotsa other artistes! You can see my God's Cocksuckers 10th anniversary painting HERE. The new one has more people in it. Plus guns & bad plumbing! Yours poopily, Rick Trembles August 14, 2008 GOOPY NEWZ #11 plus RICK TREMBLES INTERVIEWED IN VANCOUVER'S MONGREL ZINE #3!
Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms next week? Well then head on over to the Winnipeg Film Group Cinematheque at 100 Arthur Street, Winnipeg, Manitoba on Wednesday, August 20 @ 9:00 PM for the TRANSGRESSIVE VISIONS FROM CANADA show curated by Fantasia's Mitch Davis! Fangoria Magazine sez my film Goopy Spasms "must-be-seen-to-be-believed"! Read all about it HERE. From the TRANSGRESSIVE VISIONS Fecesbook promo page: "Visceral & intellectual confrontation is the order of the day in this provocative collection of 7 contemporary subversive/transgressive Canadian shorts. Exploring a range of themes that include outsider sexuality, religion, family, alienation & transfigured perceptions of love & morality, these uncompromising - & in several cases, award-winning - auteur visions showcase a unique diversity of storytelling styles (animation, experimental, stream-of-consciousness) & points-of-view that paint a startlingly new picture of the Canadian independent film landscape. These unprotected bursts of radical Canadian cinema will shock the unshockable and haunt memories until the end-times." July 17, 2008 GOOPY NEWZ #10! Wanna see my animated film Goopy Spasms tonight? (Official BUNNY award winner for "most effectively offensive short" at the BOSTON UNDERGROUND FILM FESTIVAL, & winner of the "best original short" at the 2006 CALGARY UNDERGROUND FILM FESTIVAL)! Well then head on over to 13 rue Moret - 11e - Paris, France right NOW cuz it's playing as part of Cinema Abattoir's mini Euro-tour of local transgressive short films "HÉRÉTIQUES: CINÉMAS ICONOCLASTES QUÉBÉCOIS"! Do it! June 5, 2008 SLEW OF NEW AmErIcAn DeVicEs LIVE VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE TO HELP PROMOTE BAND'S UPCOMING SHOW FRIDAY JUNE 6TH IN ST-HENRI (!) Opening up will be TRICERATREETOPS, DRAINOLITH & the honky tonk house band that comes with the joint! I checked out Bar De Courcelle a few weeks ago & it's principally populated by seniors & middle-aged regulars! Devices are actually not that far off from this demographic mind you, but De Courcellesters are into line-dancing to country & western & guest-vocalling on old French top-40 crooners, not WeEYard PunGcK like us, so it's going to be an interesting night. DO NOT MISS THIS. Price: Pay What You Can (suggested donation 5$)! A Pirates of the Lachine Canal presentation. Official Facebook page for this event HERE I've been posting lotsa old Devices live footage on YouTube spanning back 20 years to help promote this show which you can see by clicking on the links below. Stay tuned! More vidz to cum! Gory Story live in my cramped apartment living room on St-Dominique street across from Schwartz's Smoked Meat in 1992. Rob Labelle: vocs/guitar, Rick Trembles: guitar, Cups Von Helm: drums, Dave Hill: bass. Camera by Janet Kane. Check out the poster of "Bub" from Day of the Dead on my wall. Click image below.
Gory Story by Rob Labelle (1984) The taste of time spreads like butter on my mind, My memories melt & are dissolved by word of mouth, She said I have a frenzied fate, I’m in a childlike state, Strapped in by a few new toys, I gave my body & blood for an angel to send me, But the world won’t end me, as it’s designed by circumstance, You & I are one more gory story, While timothy talked sad, I borrowed clouds from my mind, My days are empty, my sleep is full of the ghosts of a hundred dead ideas, I lit him a cigarette & cruelty dawned in my eyes, Timothy choked & reached for his throat, But couldn’t undo the cold hand of an innocuous act, After that, the lights of hell were beckoning me, Outside to a night of lonesome wandering adventures, The bar was full of eager fans waiting for something to go wrong, The singer choked & they slit his throat cuz that’s entertainment, Gory story. Spacey Seasick live on TV 1991. Rob Labelle: vocs/guitar, Rick Trembles: guitar, Cups Von Helm: drums, Dave Hill (ex Men Without Hats, Ulterior Motive, Three O'Clock Train): bass, Kate Fallon: tambourine. Click image below.
Spacey Seasick by Rob Labelle (1990) Stay awake, I don't know why you wanna go home, There's no one there, so what you do you do on your own, Libraries & pieces, pages, Floating underneath the covers of your bed, awake, I don't know why you wanna go home, Walking over all other nations, here comes Spacey Seasick, Radios & pieces, pages, Floating underneath the covers of your bed, Someone heard, someone said, what is gone is gone, What goes around comes around again, I want a confrontation matching my sense of frustration, I know it sounds emotional but now I'm talking from the one, Now I'm talking in the very first person, I woke up this morning & I found out I was thirty one, Then I lost my job & now I'm camped out on the Whitehouse lawn. See My World live again in my cramped apartment living room on St-Dominique street across from Schwartz's Smoked Meat in 1992. This is one of the very first songs The American Devices ever wrote, back in 1980 wherein Rob gently orders over & over again "you gotta see, gotta see my world." Pictured below: Rotting liquid latex duplicate of our old penis/brain/pterodactyl mascot attached to the bass drum, copied from the same original Trembles sculpture that graced the American Devices' 1989 LP embossed front cover. Rob Labelle: vocs/guitar, Rick Trembles: guitar, Cups Von Helm: drums & Rat Fink t-shirt, Dave Hill: bass. Camera by Janet Kane. Click image below.
See My World by Rob Labelle (1980) You gotta see, gotta see my world... You gotta see, gotta see my world... Decensortized live on TV 1991. Paranoid/neurotic ramblings from cartoon/clown character Rick Trembles hollering about whatchamacallit sex, drugs, hypocrisy, & obscenity, like you like it! Rick Trembles: vocs/guitar, Rob Labelle: guitar, Cups Von Helm: drums, Dave Hill: bass, Kate Fallon: backup vocs. Click image below.
Decensortized by Rick Trembles (1990) Iddy biddy power lovin' liberator, doing you & me a favor, In this institute of harm avoidance, Hurting's just an intuitive annoyance, Not always mutually synchronized, And so we ask not for confessions of any personal recessions, Beneficial or bourgeois but that we all be equalized, Liberation, liberation, liberation ... liberate me! And at your disposal are sensations, Of generic stock penetrations, Groping at some sort of duty memory, Instead keep on sustaining cum-pensation, Go and redefine some dead-ication, And all the while do not prolong puberty so free & strong, Liberation, liberation, liberation ... liberate me! Neuter-lize my cerebellum with your quality truth serum, Decensortized, decensortized, And so this will provide us less, much less, yeah, Newfangled morals to confess, much less, yeah, Not always mutually synchronized, Why second guess & go defend what's best unseen, Be more than willing make room for what's obscene, Liberation, Liberation, Liberation. Meaning Of Life live on TV again in 1991. I violently destroy my guitar strings at the end of it, all in the name of trying to get some interesting sounds outta my guitar (which started getting costly after a while, so I don't do it anymore). During Rob's soliloquy you can see me twisting around behind him like an attention hog. I was actually just bored cuz I don't play anything there. At a bunch of our last live shows I took to spitting gulps of beer at our bassist Andre Asselin if his back was turned during that segment. That's how bored I get at that spot in the song. Andre told me to quit it. We're gonna close our set with this song on Friday. What am I gonna do at De Courcelles during my boring break? Only one way to find out. We don't have any other shows booked for a little while so don't miss this one. Rick Trembles: vocs/guitar, Rob Labelle: guitar, Cups Von Helm: drums, Dave Hill: bass, Kate Fallon: go-go dancing. Click image below.
Meaning of Life by Rick Trembles & Rob Labelle (1979-1983) A song singing this moment, dismantled before it happens, Me given one more chance before Nosferatu's door opens & time always wins, Scratching my face with bandaged fingers on eleventh-hour stubble, While elephant stories weigh down on my memory & I kneel with new demeanor, Fill my trunk with sand balloons, What is the meaning of life? There is no solution, We're all tiny animals, living out their own conclusions, What is the meaning of life? There is no solution, We're all tiny animals, living in confusion. Suck My Rocks live @ Foufounes Electriques 1988. SEE! Guitarist Rick Trembles wearing a mold of his own penis on his forehead like a brain-damaged unicorn! SEE! Singer/guitarist Rob Labelle sporting his own handsome Devices T-Shirt design! SEE! Singer/keyboardist Louise Burns burn the place up doing her best trying to dance to the convoluted music (if this clip of her doesn't start you smoking cigs nothing will)! SEE! Drummer Cups Von Helm speaking in tongues working himself up into a frenzy! SEE! But not very well cuz she's tucked away in the corner, bassist Sylvie Payne (too bad cuz she was playing a crazy flying V bass guitar)! Camera by Eric Sandmark. Click image below.
Suck My Rocks by Rob Labelle (1983) "I am a rock," says sixties songs & sick corporations, Suck my rocks, Everybody knows that's where life on earth came from, The slanting rays of the setting sun, Reflecting down on our early lives you know, The slanting rays of the setting sun, Casting doubt on American history, Sodomy & Gomorrah, I'm alright, Looking back towards tomorrow, stay out all night, "I am a nation..." no, no, nineteenth century navigation, Suck my rocks, Everybody knows that's where life on earth came from, I remember one time when I was skipping off school one day, British bulldogs in my way, And from then on I realized, Inanimate objects possessed all the life they needed to put out my lights, I am an insect crawling through mirrors of scrapbook generations, Suck my rocks, Everybody knows that's where life on earth came from. Extra bonus video: Decibel Hell doing a cover of Thor's "Tell Me Lies" opening up for The Chromosomes at Concordia University, 1984. Decibel Hell were a band me & American Devices drummer Cups Von Helm were in for a few seconds (that's how long the band lasted). On vocals is Michelle Tardif AKA Mimi Re/Tardif, with Johnny Everglades & Danny Darling on additional guitars. (Camera by Jeremy Coyle). Hilarity: don't miss the part where my guitar goes suddenly horribly out of tune in the middle (I figure due to my whammy-bar abuse) & Mimi actually gives us the thumbs down. Her own band! Click image below.
Yours poorly, Rick Trembles May 15, 2008 MONASTIRAKI! Check out this new Rick Trembles comic-strip review for the Montreal Mirror about local cartoonist Billy Mavreas' crazy store & new book! April 17, 2008 THE ELECTRIC VOMIT IMMORTALIZED IN PAINT! At last week's kick-ass Aids Wolf concert a young man by the name of Eric Bent approached me to inform me that he had been at the reunion show of my 70's punk band The Electric Vomit at Zoobizare last month & painted a picture of it! I asked him if I could see it & then gave him my e-mail address. The next day he sent me the following photo of it. Click on the image to see a full color larger version. Awe-freaken-some!
March 13, 2008 GOOPY NEWZ #9 + Nick Zedd + Electric Vomit on pYoukTube!
Thanks to Louise Burns for filming all this live footage for us by the way. Just tried my guitar now & was relieved to find out it did indeed croak cuz I was worried maybe somehow it was something silly like me forgetting to turn my volume knob on or some shit. Now to open that motherfucker up & see what the hell's wrong with the innards. GREAT TIMING, ASSTARDED GUITAR OF MINE. Rob joked that my guitar broke down so that only one player could do it cuz the songs weren't meant to be played w/2 guitars (true, vomit only ever had one guit). Plus: JOHANNA NYMPH IS A SUPERHUMAN DRUMMER! Check out their cover version of another Vomit tune they did at the same show (not available on the record)... Funny note: title of above song was commenting on the actual energy crisis that had occurred in the 70's (lineups at the pumps, etc) & here we are almost exactly 30 years later about to go thru the same crap! Yours pukely, Rick Trembles March 6, 2008 COME SEE RICK TREMBLES' FIRST 70'S PUNK BAND THE ELECTRIC VOMIT BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE FOR 3 SONGS! This Friday, March 7, $8 at Zoobizarre, 6388 St-Hubert Street, Montreal. Click on the handsome Walter Scott poster pictured below to see a bigger version (gee, speaking of handsome, who's that ugmo in the middle of the image with the big-ass shades?).
"This evening will be a unique celebration of two generations of Montreal punk rock. As many of you know, THE ELECTRIC VOMIT were one of Montreal's first punk bands when Rick Trembles started the band in the late 70s, and a precursor to THE AMERICAN DEVICES, who formed not long after the Vomit broke up. No recordings by the Vomit were released in their brief lifespan, but a demo tape from 1979 survived, sitting on the shelf for almost thirty years before an upstart label in Grand Mere, Quebec called Garbage Bag Records decided to release three songs from the session on a 7". The result is the incredible "No End" single, an invaluable addition to the Montreal punk discography that bridges the gap between the snotty, glam-influenced late 70s Montreal punk scene and the thrashier and artier sounds that would come out of that scene in the early 80s. The single will be available for sale at the show, and during THE AMERICAN DEVICES performance that night will be a performance within that performance of two ELECTRIC VOMIT songs from the single with original Vomit singer Rabid Roy Random flying in all the way from New Mexico just to sing those songs. This is a moment you are absolutely not going to want to miss." (Pictured below L to R: Rabid Roy Random & Rick Trembles circa 78/79. Rick is gonna be wearing that same 30-year-old shirt at the show!)
"THE NYMPHETS are the yin to the Vomit's yang, if you will. Having formed just a few years back, they quickly shot to the top of the heap of this city's punk bands, and now have the U.S.A. set in their sites. The band found a second home last year in Brooklyn, NY, and have been splitting their time blowing minds in both cities. Their debut single "Feels Like Motherfuckers" on Psychic Handshake Recordings arrives just in time for the band to embark on a U.S. tour this spring that will see the band visit SXSW for the first time, but you folks will be the first people in the world to get your hands on this gem. This two song single features some of the best punk rock that's ever come out of this city. Its trashy, immediate, lo-fi garage punk with lean, catchy melodies, bringing to mind everyone from Supercharger to The Television Personalities. It's shit so good that we'll have to share it with those douchebags in NYC, but when you see how amazing this band is in the flesh and how well that translates onto this record, you'll understand. THE NYMPHETS performance will comprise a impressive set of originals (including the two songs from the 7"), as well as an ELECTRIC VOMIT cover, in the spirit of the evening. Both records will be for sale throughout the evening and the always awesome Pirates of the Lachine Canal South West WEIRD PUNK DJ crew will be spinning tunes when the bands aren't playing, and all night afterwards!" Here's an interview with Rick Trembles about this show in the latest issue of The Concordian February 14, 2008 MY UNABRIDGED INTERVIEW WITH THE KUCHAR BROS! A few months ago I interviewed the legendary Kuchar Bros for The Montreal Mirror preceding their massive retrospective at the Cinémathèque Québécoise. Offscreen Magazine has just posted everything that DIDN'T make it into that article from my lengthy conversations (8880 words)! The classic underground cartoonist/filmmakers yack about the heyday of underground film & cross-pollinating with the likes of fellow underground cartoonists Mike Diana, Rory Hayes, Bill Griffith & Art Spiegelman! Check it out HERE! Pictured below: “BUTCH” © 1983 by Mike Kuchar (from Funeral Party Volume Two: A Celebratory Excursion into Beautiful Extremes of Life, Death and Lust, edited by Shade Rupe, Rude Shape Productions, 1997).
Rick Trembles February 7, 2008 MY SECRET COCKUPATION: THE PRIVATE JOURNALS OF A PROSTITUTE!
Cockupation standouts include chapters like “My First Time” about how Jessica got into the biz posting her wares on Craigslist so she could pay the rent. “Horny For Liquor” is about her & her gay hustler boyfriend whoring themselves out for a couple of cases of beer simply cuz they were horny, hungover & in the mood for some hair of the dog, & “Chocolate Chip” is about how a golden shower session went horribly wrong when… oh I’ll just let your imagination figure out where that chapter’s title is headed! It all sounds sordid but there’s an innocence & gleeful curiosity to Bougie’s technique of drawing out such true-to-life stories that makes you LOL rather than ralph or boo-hoo.
January 24, 2008 NEW AMERICAN DEVICES MUSIC VIDEO ON YOUTUBE & LIVE SHOW WITH PARLOVR & FLAMES! Come see my band The American Devices play this Saturday, January 26 @ Lab.synthese, 435 Beaubien Ouest, loft 200, with Flames! & Parlovr for the launch of "Four Minutes to Midnight" magazine number 9! Apparently we're on last. To help promote the show I just made a new American Devices music video for the song Party Pooper which you can see here for free on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK4D0JeegkE
We'll be closing our set with this song Party Pooper on Saturday. The video's actually made from old footage of our 1986 lineup: Rick Trembles on vocs/guitar wearing the silver jacket, Rob Labelle on guitar with the boombox, Louise Burns on keyboards as go-go dancer, & Cups Von Helm on drums with the D-Cups & Cupcycle (Chris Burns also played bass on the tune but he wasn't in the video). Video portions were filmed by Michel "Rot Wang" Gagnon who was also in Mother's Meat Freud's Flesh. It's got old-school scratchy homemade super-8 film, claymation, pixilation, beer, tussling, broken hockey sticks, & motorcycles made outta drum kit bits. The animated "Cupcycle" was the actual drum kit we used to play with live back then & it weighed a ton, as much as, say, an actual goddamn motorcycle, so I sure don't miss it! But we rigged the headlights to go on & off in unison with the bass pedal to give audiences a light show so it was worth it. Come see what 20 years-plus can do to such a song this Saturday (minus the Cupcycle but plus our current kickass rhythm section consisting of Howard Chackowicz & Andre Asselin)! Pictured below; the actual storyboards I drew for the Cups Von Helm D-Cups sequence... Rick Trembles
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Here's
a Facebook chat I had with Jessica Vile, author of the excellent
My Secret Cockupation: The Private Journals of a Prostitute
back in September. It had to do with what I imagined to be a slightly
sideways glance aimed my way at her Montreal zine signing/launch.
Turns out I was wrong about it but I still feel like it's a bit grey.
Basically, she was talking to me & some other fans of hers about golden
showers, then looked at me & said "I don't mean to pass judgement
but I don't understand brown showers." I didn't respond to
it at the time cuz I didn't know what she was aiming for. But then
it hit me, & I got worried my lack of response might've been conveying
some kinda denial on my part, so I messaged her to clarify after the
fact. Mind you, don't get me wrong, this whole episode makes me LOL
bigtime, there's no hard feelings whatsoever. I "heart"
delicate misunderstandings of this sort; this is my kinda slapstick.
Gimme a molehill like this & I'll turn it into a mountain any
day just to kickstart a dialog on the topic. But the real
long-story-short is that it's given me the impetus to wanna start
working on a new biographical comix/animation sequel and/or prequel
to all the butt 'n' poo predilections featured in the 
Diary
entry December 2008: Really weird. So I'm trying to get to sleep last
night & thinking about girls gets me tossing & turning. What else
is new. I think for a moment about the last person that ever hugged
me which triggers a slight boner. I decide to stop thinking about
her because it's futile, nothing's ever gonna amount to anything with
her, but I keep tugging on my cock now cuz it feels good. And I really,
really need to feel good right now. I decide since no women
are in my life at present, since I'm so fucking horny & since I have
absolutely no prospects on the horizon, I'm gonna have to give my
hard-on a complete faggot homo fuck tonight; break out the KY & shove
stuff up my ass. No girls allowed; just non-stop physical sensations
brought on by my own hand & sphincter, the only visual stimuli being
my own ugly butt & inflated penis. I get up, turn on the lights, lug
my mirror, mini butt plug, & bedside condom box fulla lube over to
the living room & lie on the couch on my back with my legs up in the
air like a gynaecologist's stirrups so I can get a good view of my
rump's reflection. Since I know my hands are gonna be extra busy,
I awkwardly balance the mirror up in front of me with my toes, getting
ready to cop glimpses of my own asshole stretching open, about to
get filled to the brim. I grease up that sliver of a butt-plug & start
ramming it up my ass, pumping my erect wet cock up & down with my
other fist tightly wrapped around it. Nothing. Rock hard pulsating
schlong but nothing. So I pull out my now shit-smeared sliver & go
get a bigger strap-on I happen to have gathering dust in some cabinet.
Back in position, I keep fumbling with the mirror, having to pick
it up with my greasy hands & balance it with my feet, trying to
aim it in such a way that I can't sneak any peeps at my own sorry
face cuz that'd burst my bubble bigtime. I don't want anybody
involved in this shit, including & especially me. Complete privacy,
please. So I try to swallow the whole fucking oversized bubblegum-pink
plastic abomination up my asshole, but it won't budge past the head
cuz my ass is too tight. It hurts. I decide to stand it up skywards
on top of my elevated TV dinner-tray & sit on the motherfucker. No
dice, it won't penetrate, not even with gravity on my side. So I go
back to that other lame little plug, my hands smelling like shit now,
trying to avoid touching anything else around me so I don't stink
up the place, & the second I stick it up there the thing starts stinging
the inside of my ass I guess cuz I just finished ravaging myself with
that other larger instrument of butt destruction & I'm all sensitized.
Once I got the whole fucker inside me though, it starts feeling better
so I'm tugging on my dick, slamming my asshole like there's no tomorrow
but still nothing. Why? I've done this before ample times no probs
& it's made me spurt geysers. So I give up the dildo & with a glazed
look on my face, figuring the jig is up, I start slowly, absent-mindedly
playing with the tip of my cock dripping in KY, just rolling the head
around the palm of my hand, opening & closing my pee-hole. It feels
good. I've never done that in such a concentrated way like this before.
Suddenly I'm thinking, eureka, if I keep at this maybe I'll discover
a new sensation I can fuck with from now on all by my lonesome to
make me cum. Who needs people. Cuz the tip of my dick is so tender
right now, rubbing it almost makes me flinch & twitch away. The pre-cum's
just dribbling out to the point where I can't tell what's KY & what's
watered down jizm anymore. But nope; turns out it's tickling
me more than anything else. That's what's making me wriggle. It tickles.
So I fucking give up. I let my wiener wilt. No plastic homo fuck climax
for me tonight. And I'm left with two smelly dildos I gotta scrub
clean tomorrow morning while taking my shower, all for nothing. So
here I sit in front of my computer writing this now, my goddamn underwear
sticking to my ass from all that dried up KY wondering how the hell
I'm gonna make it thru this motherfucking winter. Mary Christ-My-Ass.
